I need a guy. As weird as that sounds, I need a guy to confide in and be intimate with. Not the sexual kind, but the personally kind. I realized last year that one fact why there wasn't alot of guys in cru is because there wasn't alot of guys and I had spent alot of time getting close to girls. Girls are more emotional and better listeners, and more open, so it's much easier for a male to be open to females. It's how they're created. But guys understand guys. Guys who try to open up and get council from girls do understand girls better, but they get a process that isn't quite right because girls don't have all the information on how males work. Everyone needs someone to talk to and express their ideas and opinions.
I feel all alone. I know i'm not. But I feel like I am. I've talked to so many people in the past who say, if you ever want to talk let me know. Those people are: Sarah Holdren, Kayla, Sarah Wilkins, Carly, Ashley, Sherri. . . all girls. JR has said it too and Jonathan Rollins, but I dont know if I can trust them or if its my uncomfortablility, or the fact that they have alot on their mind. Or the fact that it's going to take alot of work to talk to them and be open, where as its easier with some of the other people, because I already have that relationship built up and they know the story. Then there's Dustin. Dustin has graduated and is trying to move on in life so I dont want to call him and bring him back into everything. I'm not even sure what there is to bring into. I dont know what to say except the fact that it would be cool just to hang out for a bit. But hanging out involves relaxing and just being, but I can't just be and relax around a bunch of guys because I dont know them very well. I know girls well and can relax and chill.
The girls are doing a great job of this though. Sherri, Swilkins, and Kayla and Kourtney have all been grouping together. Tacy even has been joining them and jennifer. They are doing a good job of bringing in new people and making them feel welcome. They all have their happy little group to go with and on. I have. . . no one I can just chill out and be with. Gods saying you need to get guys mroe involved hangout with them and share, but I feel like I'm doing this on my own. I feel like it's all up to me and I can't do it by myself. I need help. I need a guy. Do I really have any guy-guy friends? ok I guess i have some aquiatinances, but any like good Christian guy friends?
We, as guys, need a stronghold on this campus. We need a group of men willing to stick to the bible, follow furiously, violently take on sin, stick up for women whenever other men are being jerks, love them the way they deserved to be loved, love each other the way we were made to be, be open with each other so that there is no weak link left undefended. We will prevail, we will fight, we will build together, each guarding another, ready to take on the world, with the overcoming power within us, together. as brothers. as soldiers. as men.
Hows is this going to happen? . . . I dont know yet.
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